Life's Lessons, Uncategorized

Sleep Deprived

I’ll go ahead and say it, my son doesn’t sleep through the night.  I know, shocking right?  I mean he is a baby, but these days it seems to be a sign of motherly skill or lack there of.  On a daily basis I get asked “Is he sleeping through the night?” Some in a sympathetic way and others in a purely judgmental way.  It’s usually followed by “You need to ….” Fill in the blank.

Seven months ago I brought home a newborn baby who loves to sleep. Well I shouldn’t say that. He’s always fought sleeping during the day, but he loved to sleep at night. I had to set an alarm to wake him in the middle of the night to eat, otherwise he would keep sleeping. I remember going to mom group and listening to all the other moms complain about their babies waking up all night and thinking “Thank God that’s not me.”  Then when he hit the magical age where they are able to sleep through the night without eating, I thought I was home free.

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Fast forward, four months later and I just need some sleep!!  I am the type of person who requires a lot of sleep. I love sleep! If I’m in a bad mood it’s probably because I’m hungry or I need sleep. Sometimes I’m both and I forgo the food just to get some sleep. These days I suffer with a sleep deprived mom brain. My mom called me the other day to tell me I forgot a couple things at her house.  Me,”If we wrote down all the things that I forgot this weekend we could fill a page.” For someone who is a bit of a control freak, it is driving me nuts that I have no control over my own brain.  So I’ve gone into research mode and googled every sleep fix possible. (Side note, What did moms do before google?)

Here’s what I’ve tried…

1. Soothing bath before bed. -Mostly back fires and he cries the whole time I’m lotioning him up and putting on his pjs after the bath, which is less than soothing.

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2. A little lavender on his sheets. -Does nothing, but smells good.

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3. When he starts eating food, he will be full and sleep through the night. – I feed him two hours before bed, then a bottle a hour later and then bed a hour after that. Still wakes up to nurse and the past two weeks he’s been waking throwing up. Screw sweet potatoes!  Who even has an allergy to sweet potatoes?  This goes on for 1-2 hrs and equals less sleep and more Google! Google says there are people with sweet potato allergies.

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4. Finally, after being told by every grandparent over and over, I tried putting a little cereal in his bottle. -Guess what?!  He would drink 1 ounce and refuse the rest! After 45mins, I could maybe get him to drink 1-2 more and have to throw away the rest. I tried this for a couple nights. Do you know what I have to go through to pump that milk, just to throw it away?!? I die little each time. 😩

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5. Then after 6 and a half months, I came to a point where I didn’t have enough breast milk to send to daycare the next day, so I had to supplement formula. Formula fed babies usually sleep through the night right? So I fed him two bottles that night to get caught up on pumping. -At 11:00 at night he spent a hour throwing up more then I’ve ever seen, filling his whole crib multiple times. So now there’s that.

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6. Tried changing the temperature or his outfits.  -Same results.

At this point, by morning I usually give up and create a pillow barrier on my bed and try to “rest” a little longer with these shenanigans going on around me.

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So I have come to this conclusion…… He will sleep through the night when he is ready to sleep through the night. I mean I’ve always known it, but when other people get in your head that he should already be sleeping through the night, of course you want that to be true! To be fair, he gives me one night every once in awhile where we sleep. Those nights just seem to be getting further apart.

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If you are like me and you are going through the same thing with your little, We will get through this!  We will get through this right?  Tell me we will get through this!

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Life's Lessons, Positive Quotes & Songs

What has changed….

The simple answer….. Everything.  I started this blog on a journey to re-invent my life based on what makes me happy.  After 13 years in Orlando, I just wasn’t laughing or smiling anymore.  So I decided to move to Clearwater to be closer to the coast and be able to have a more outdoor lifestyle. Then later, ended up buying my first house in St. Petersburg.  I was ACTUALLY HAPPY, But NOTHING could prepare me for my most recent addition.  On December 29th, I gave birth to the most incredible baby boy and I am so blessed and honored to be his mother.

My entire life, I have dreamed about having a family of my own.  Having a partner and a best friend that I could share everything with.  We would have children and watch them grow, sharing in the sleepless nights and getting excited together over every little milestone they accomplish.  Turns out, real life is a little different. Instead, for the past 5 months I have been living my greatest fear, being a single parent. For reasons I still don’t fully understand, my son’s father has chosen not to be a part of his life at this time.  My brain is done trying to figure out why.

It’s been hard for me to wrap my head around this new reality.  Sometimes I’m not sure what’s harder, is it the physical loss of someone or is it the loss of that future life together that you created in your head?  Either way, today, I’m creating a new dream and it’s all based around this beautiful little boy.  I saw a video of Will Smith the other day, where he said, “God placed the best things in life on the other side of terror.  On the other side of your maximum fear, are all of the best things in life.”  This couldn’t be more true.  I can honestly say I have never been more happy in my entire life…….Annnnnnd tired.